It is so hard. You’re not alone. I really think my husband is a good person deep down. The church ruined him and twisted his idea of what love is, and convinced him it was actually obedience. It painted a picture of what the dynamic between us should be. He presides over me in all things. When I married him… I meant what I said about forever. I was playing for keeps. But I couldn’t do forever with the dynamic that the church created. There was no space for me. Also, We have two lgbtq kids. They wouldn’t have a forever with the church. One of them wouldn’t even have a tomorrow. But… He won’t leave. He wonmt back down. He digs in harder, convinced we need MORE of the church when the church and its influence is what broke us. Asking him to change his response to the big mountains between us is akin to asking him to sell his soul to the devil to follow me, his personal jezebel, into outer darkness. There is no way to bridge that. Ever. So. Here we are. Another family that “can” be together, but won’t be. So. Solidarity. You deserve to be loved.

Re: the kid thing I stayed for the kids. That will go down as one of my biggest life regrets. My oldest 3 do not want to marry because they don’t want what I had. Don’t stay for the kids. Leave for them, so they will know what it looks like to grow up with happy parents who love themselves.