Mother's who are in relationships with someone other than the child's biological father, what things should all potential stepfathers know/be aware of before coming into a child's life?

When we were dating my now husband and I talked about rules about my daughters. They were 5 & 8 at the time.

They have a father, he isn't their father and doesn't have to act like he is their father.

Their father is not a bad guy and we never said negative things about him.

Future hubby will never be alone with the girls - ever. Future hubby is a lawyer and could never risk anyone ever accusing him of doing something bad to the girls. He never would, I knew that but we never ever wanted there to even be a chance. As the girls got older and we all had our roles and our lives settled down and were living the day to day stuff, that rule was no longer needed. The girls were great, their dad was great, now hubby and I were wonderful... but frankly, that rule was a very smart thing to have. For EVERYONES sake.

We chose to not have kids. We just didnt want to make things even more complicated and to also make the girls feel like they were somehow less important to all of us.

Now hubby and I have been married for 27 years. The girls are really great and we really never had any problems with them. We all had a common goal of raising them well. The first daughter has been with her hubby for 18 years. They celebrated their 10th anniversary a few months ago and we have a grand son that is 2. Their wedding was an awesome family affair... her dad walked her down the isle, and now hubby preformed the ceremony. The other daughter is getting married in June and she won't accept anything other than her dad walking her down the isle and her "Simon" preforming the ceremony.

We now have a grandson that is now hubbys pride and joy. He IS grandpa. He is flying out to see the baby during thanksgiving all by himself. I am staying home because of some other commitments but he is dying to his is very special grand baby.

sorry for the droning on... I guess I wanted to give you the hope that the relationships can work really well. Just always keep in mind the childs needs are priority.

/r/AskReddit Thread