So... Day 1 sucks, and for that matter so does Day 2.

I was in such denial about my weight, I didn't even acknowledge how disappointed in myself I was. "It's okay;" I'd say to myself "You're not that big." "There's awesome people bigger than you." "You can still buy pants at old navy." (I was in the last size they offered btw.) And you know, all of those things are true. What you'll notice about all of those justifications, they're all external. Not one of those things took into account how I really felt about myself on the inside.

I wasn't one of those "TODAY'S THE DAY I CHANGE MY LIFE" soap box folks. There was no proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

And I started off in the worst possibly mentality I think. I was all, "Damn I'm single and the guys that are attracted to me; well if that's the best I can do then something has to change."

I got going with no plan in mind, no real goal and no idea what I even wanted. I didn't believe in myself because I had lost some weight before (about 25lbs ish) and gained it all back plus about an additional 25. I wasn't all like "OH I want to be healthy now." I just wanted to be hot. It worked enough to get me started.

Then things changed. I knew calories was a thing so I counted them. I lost a few pounds, then a few more. I got a little bit of a swagger in my step. I started to feel good about myself even. I just knew I wanted more of that feeling good feeling, and now I knew exactly what I had to do get it.

There was a hundred times I wanted to give up. But I knew I would be so disappointed in myself if I did. I still had bad days (shoot I still do!) But the moral of my story (so far) is that I know if I give up now I will have to start again and I've worked so hard to get this far. I don't want to be disappointed in myself again. It feels so good to be proud of myself for this. My good days now massively outnumber my bad ones and I realize now that the only way I can fail is to quit.