Want to move in with BF but my parents are really against it

My parents had concerns the first time I moved in with a boyfriend (we moved 1000 miles away, by car) even though I was already living on my own then. We're South American, so I get that part of Latino culture.

What I did was to sit with them and acknowledge their concerns. I stated I was an adult and would make choices, and sometimes make mistakes. I couldn't learn everything from their experiences, but I would feel much safer making a mistake and having them to lean back on. I asked them not to abandon me, that I loved them and always would be their daughter, and that I needed to know I could count on them if I made a mistake instead of trying to ask other people for help.

That seemed to calm them down even though they were still not ecstatic about my choice. I promised I would be on the lookout for the things they were concerned about, and would not hide under a facade of happiness if things turned sour.

Turns out they were right about him, a year in he became a lazy drunk ass - he'd been a social drinker before as far as I could tell - and I struggled to keep the house going on my own.

So one phone call later and I was moving back. I vividly remember arriving at the airport and my parents (who had divorced by then) hugging me and I finally allowing myself to cry. Took me about six months to get back on my feet (find a decent job, pay the debt I'd accrued and move out again).

8 years later I moved in with the man who would become my husband, and it was a non-issue although they did tell me again that I could count on them if things didn't work out well.

I'm glad you're close with your parents. It can be scary to feel you're disappointing them, but that makes it more likely that you'll be able to count on them if everything goes wrong.

Just in case they express they won't take you back - even if it's just because they're irrational at the moment - make sure you always know what resources you have available in case their fears end up legitimate for some reason. Take a deep breath, you can do this.

/r/relationships Thread