The story ..
My roommates wanted to kick me out at the start of the month because I'm home too much, and I isolate myself in my bedroom. This was within 24-48 hours of my personal belongings were stolen by a co-worker that I can't prove. I pay my share of rent 100%, on time, if not a week or two early because I don't like being hounded. But they basically told me I had to be out by the end of May. Me and the head of the house have known each other from school for almost two years now. We had an agreement in January that I could move at the end of March or at the end of August. I choose August, so I can hustle my booty in saving enough money to get my own place, to live all by myself. So I don't have to explain myself to anyone. His girlfriend, has been harassing me (she's accused me of white supremacy), making my life miserable (because white people made her miserable so why should she treat me any different) since she moved in (they weren't dating at the start). She's been making the biggest scene and created a ton of drama I can't do anything about. I know I live in a toxic envoriment but I don't have any options to go elsewhere, unless I move back to NJ which isn't an option I want to take. I don't consider myself a sensitive person but if I don't feel liked or wanted, I just avoid that person because I can't deal with the anxiety attached to the situation. I don't see myself as a bad person. I have a few issues, I admit. I've been dealing with the best I can on my own. I come from a family who is anti-medications and all mental health stuff is "you're fine, you don't need any help." I'm not suicidal, never have been. I just get the case of "the weirded outs" and "the sads" more than others. I'm extremely hard on myself for being this way, but I do my best.
I told him, we had an agreement, I'm holding you to that. I can't and will not move out by the end of May. I will not move out until the end of August. I have to move into my own place, I can't live with strangers let alone friends. That being said, just because I'm white doesn't mean shit. If I was a white male coming from a family with power sure. But I live in California all by myself, no family, very little friends. I don't have lots of money and I don't have connections. So this whiteness you think I'm entitled to, doesn't exist for people like me. I don't take hand outs, everything I have I earned.
This is the first time I ever had to explain myself for my depression and anxiety outside of my father. It's hard guys. I get it, it does help with dealing with it, but it's really hard when you feel like a squeaky little mouse facing a giant angry elephant.