Suddenly all the sugar-coated advice (so as to not hurt my feelings) from all my well-intentioned friends is flooding through my mind. What the fuck was I thinking? Sorry trolls, I know I'm not being nice to myself, but I have never felt this weird epiphany of "I'm a total idiot, why did I react like that and why did I put up with that when literally everyone in my life was like "leave that relationship!?!?"

I've been trying a new form of therapy, which doesn't necessarily condone talking to myself like this, but it does emphasize facing reality and I feel like this is a momentous reality I've just flat out refused to face. I just feel incredibly dumb and cringeworthy for staying in a toxic relationship (toxicity from him toxicity from me, toxic for both of us), because I cared about him. What is wrong with me? Why did I not listen to all of my friends who spent probably hundreds of hours consoling me and trying to give me good advice?

I like to think I've learned a lot, because I got out of my most recent relationship because he crossed a huge unacceptable boundary and instead of staying and "trying to make it work" I got tf out. But now I'm like, why didn't I break up with that guy sooner, better yet, why did I date him in the first place. I guess hindsight is 20/20.

I'm just rambling here because I have no better outlet for this weird sudden clarity I'm feeling.