MRW someone doesn't think men can just be platonic friends with women

I had this same problem. Resulted in several failed relationships and it was cited in my most recent one that ended. What amplified this issue for me the most was when I confided in a girl years ago when I was able to brush the doubt aside...and she cheated on me. This comes easier for a lot of other people and I never understood it. The stress I took on from those relationships was ridiculous.

Went to counseling for it after my most recent break up and the counselor pretty much beat into my head that if she's going to cheat she's going to cheat, there is nothing you can do about it. I've always wanted control over things because I never had faith in others that they would do it right. I was also confident that if I failed, I would own up to my faults and take my licks while I was never confident others would learn from their mistakes.

My counselor did tell me to take solace in my behavior however, because each event that caused me to lose trust in the person I was dating were pretty solid reasons to have a knots in my stomach. The way I addressed it was the problem. Every person was disrespectful towards me in some way which lead to the feeling that my feelings didn't matter to them.

One girl just broke up with her ex when we started dating but was still hanging out with him. This bothered me and I should have bailed before it became an issue because the relationship that was responsible for my trust issues in the first place went down the same way, she just broke up with her ex and realized she still wanted to be with him.

My most recent one lied early on about wanting to all of sudden be celibate to cover up other issues. This was after she told me how promiscuous she had been and after she had a kid. I made the connection as to why she really wanted to be celibate but never gave her shit about it because I cared about her. I should have bailed then and there because that was a major red flag. As time went on she would claim to be asexual all the while being completely fascinated by sex and sexual deviance from a "research perspective". This made me jealous because I can't think of anything that fascinates me that much that I wouldn't want to actually do, on top of the fact that she never really wanted to have sex. She got a number from a dude at the gym while we were both working out claiming she wanted to get some stretch information...stretch information that has been posted multiple times on the multiple fit subreddits. I should have bailed then because it felt like she didn't care how that made me feel and when I blew up about it, instead of empathizing she said I had issues and threatened to break up with me then. Someone who respects you wouldn't do that and that's why that's considered a red flag for me going forward.

I should have bailed on these relationships at that time instead of continuing the motions, that was the real solution. They also pointed the fingers at me as being 100% to blame but after seeing my counselor I realize that wasn't 100% on me. These relationships ended because we didn't share the same levels of respect for each other. With respect comes trust. When you feel like that person acts selfishly regardless of how it makes you feel, you have a right to be concerned because they will do what they want when they want. That's where the whole "release control" comes in. She cheats on you so what? It will suck in the short run but at least you got that bullshit out the way. The compounding stress from trying to maintain control is going to be exponentially worse.

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