Yes, (being in)love is nice. But it's also difficult.

I haven't felt feelings of 'falling inlove' for a really long time, and I didn't mis it. But the truth is I was being a hard-ass without realizing it (like 'I don't need anyone or anything' etc..), and now I've met this girl and it kinda smacks you in the face.

Things is, I actually met up with her at a small festival to celebrate the beginning of the gay pride parade the day after. I met so much people there, and it was awesome how liked, loved, and respected I felt. And then I met up with that girl, and it was even better.

All that after years of living alone, feeling alone (despite relationships), going through bad shit all alone...

After the party was over, and after she was gone, I was alone again. And I just felt like shit.

Not like heart-ache or missing her or anyone, but I just felt like shit because I'm over 30 and missed out on so much beautiful stuff. I could've had more meaningful relationships with girls (romantic, friendship, whatever), I could've had more friends, and I could've partied more... preferably with the gays. (Which is really the best. It's just awesome, I can't explain)

Anyways, I was angry and complaining to myself why everything in my life is shit and why I fucked-up everything remotely nice...

Then I rode the midnight bus home. I was looking at all the different people (old, young, sober, drunk, high,...) and I realized I was complaining over nothing. They all have their challenges, probably things I couldn't deal with. I thought about how I have a lot of things going for me, I'm even lucky in some ways... But I still felt like shit for 2 days.

Then I kinda got out of my shit-bubble, and started talking more to that girl, and came to realization that she likes me just the same way I like her, and longs for me the same. And that's when things started to get lovey-dovey...