You need to speak to a Mufti, preferably locally, and state your situation.

You dropped the ball a long time ago if it came to this. You as a man should have the last word on these things, and power dynamics don't change overnight. Same with your daughter.

But either way, you can't change the past now. Go talk to a Mufti ASAP.

Don't get overly excited and try to force anything without consulting a Mufti first, that can end badly for you. I know of one man who went through a similar situation as you (except for the bf living with them), he slapped his daughter and forbade her from seeing him. Next thing he knows, divorce, police charges against him, he's kicked from his job as an engineer and a whole bunch of trouble. Now he's working as a security at 60+.

Also, revisit the wife situation, your wife is openly an enemy of Islam and trying to sabotage you at every turn. Why keep her?

May Allah rectify your affairs and family, Allahuma Ameen.