My .02: Look for acceptance not love.

Seriously, every thread you start is like a fucking term paper. Your college professors must have loved you.

I think it's interesting how you relate love specifically to romantic love, or at least that's what the majority of your post constitutes. For me there is only one instance of love that I felt was real and pure, a glimpse into what normal people feel much more freely and to a wider range of people. A close relative had a disease that's drug treatment was hepatotoxic and could lead to organ (if not multiple system) failure, and I eventually knew as the only person who was a blood and near perfect tissue match that I would donate at least a lobe of my liver. Long story short they found out her heart was failing after she was hospitalized for a panic attack, and the chances of her getting approved for a transplant with her medical history and high probability of multiple system failure were grim.

She was put on bypass and the family was called to come and say goodbye, by the time I got the call I was a few hours away and knew what I was going to do, stopped by and got my gun and made my way to the hospital,

Not even a half hour away from the hospital I got the call that she had been taken off bypass and passed away. Apparently she knew I was going to do something stupid and told her spouse to take her off bypass before I made it to the hospital. As always, she had a sixth sense about me and wrote me a letter explaining why she made the choice she made. The feeling I had as I walked into that hospital is something I still struggle describe, the only way I can phrase it is like feeling something so real that it shakes you out of a stupor. The only moment in my life that I felt I was here, really here. An imitation of a person having an entirely human experience.

No relationship that I have ever been in even approaches how that person and that situation made me feel. My ex wife would probably be the closest thing, and that's more because I respect her as an equal and she's the mother of my child. Even with my son it's just not there. My ex wife at least accepts me as what I am, sees the person I could be, and so could never be happy. She realizes this now when we occasionally talk to catch up.

I've long come to the conclusion that my relationships are best handled on a need to know basis when it comes to my innermost thoughts.

/r/sociopath Thread