Your partner should care about you enough to listen to your needs and make an effort to reach them, or give an explanation as to why they can't.

Try using this format

I feel ______ when our sex is so robotic and cold. I need you to ______ if we're going to have a healthy sexual relationship. If I can't get this need met, or you don't offer a good reason why you don't want to help me with this, I will [appropriate consequence that you will uphold].

This format works great for things like boundary setting and meeting your needs. There's no room for argument.

Hopefully he will know you're being serious and actually put in effort to help your needs get met. If not, hopefully he will open up to you about why he can't put in more effort (perhaps an underlying reason for lights off and no touching) and maybe get some therapy to work on it.

I wish you the best! I hope it goes well!