Getting rid of the victim vibe meant changing my way of thinking. Up until that point, I defined myself by my 'kindness', taking a kind of perverse pride in the 'unconditional love' I'd offer. Those are in quotes because, quite honestly, I came to discover they were nothing of the sort.
I had managed to convince myself that there was something beautiful in being a martyr and sacrificing for people, when, in truth, it was just something I had been programmed to believe by the abusers and users in my life.
I needed to redefine what a healthy relationship was and what healthy expectations were.
Keep an eye out on those people who either repeatedly tell you they're an asshole or repeatedly tell you that they're a good person. The first kind often seem to take a pleasure in being exactly that and the second kind? They're trying to convince someone.
Beware 'The Hook'. The hook is something a predator will do in one of your first meetings, if not the very first one. In it, they will do something that is at least borderline offensive and/or rude, usually leaving you wondering 'Uh. That's weird.' because it comes out of no where or is very different from the personality they've shown you so far. Usually, it's something you have enough uncertainty about that you can dismiss it or forget it really easily.
They aren't being awkward. They aren't being careless. This is actually a test to see how strong your victim vibe is. It's them casting a line out to see whether their prey will bite. Try to smile through it or turn your head and laugh uncertainly? You'll be flagged as a potential victim. But what they're really looking forward to see is if you challenge it.
If you give a timid challenge, a 'Wha? awkward laugh' or something of the like, you'll find that often they'll act like you are the rude one. That your response was kinda awful. They're waiting to see if you back down and/or apologise. You do either one and they're going to mark you down as a victim.
Develop several scripts for saying no and practice them. 'No thanks' and 'No, I'm not interested' are priceless. Bite back the desire to qualify your no with an excuse or an apology. You don't have to explain. Predators will seize on any kind of hesitation and try to 'outlogic' you to get their way.
Like any skill, this one can be a little uncomfortable to develop, especially if you were raised with the idea that saying no is rude. But you're going to feel like an absolute badass the first time you see a predator come in at you and you cut them off with a firm 'no'. (Protip: predators are often cowards, so they don't want to deal with someone who can say no.) The first time I did that, I was so damn proud of myself that my heart felt like it was going to burst from happiness.
Let there be consequences. You do not have to keep 'forgiving' someone who keeps screwing you over. They aren't going to have a change of heart. They aren't going to have an epiphany where they decide to be a better person. The best thing you can do for them is to show them that there are lasting consequences for their actions. Maybe they'll take care of the next person better. It's not up to you to save them and it sure as hell isn't your job to make their life easier.
Just because someone wants closeness with you doesn't mean you need to give it. You don't owe anyone your company. You get to decide who you want in your life and, straight up, the more diseased and predatory types you have in there, the less room you'll have for the people who want to be there and will take as good of care of you as you do them.
There is a massive difference between kindness and spineless. Kind people who are healthy have boundaries. They can tell someone no. Someone who is unhealthy will not have boundaries because pleasing someone else is more important than their welfare. Sure, sometimes sacrifices need to be made. But your life shouldn't be one big sacrifice. If it is, there's something wrong.
Be cautious of a person who says that people can't handle them because they're 'too honest'. There's a good chance that they're trying to spit shine a piece of shit. Predators looooooove saying this because it lets them attack you all while making you think you deserve it.
And, lastly, don't be afraid to re-evaluate all your relationships. The ones worth keeping will be able to withstand a hard look. The ones that aren't? Fade those suckers out. Let your love and loyalty mean something: give it to the people who have shown they deserve it and not the people you wish would.