So we aired everything out and she was pretty adamant on her being faithful. But we both agreed early on there were things that justified my feelings. I made the biggest mistake you can by asking to see her phone and I pretty much got what I expected. A contact in her phone that she apparently has never spoken too and can’t remember her name when asked. So I didn’t get what I wanted and had to sit back and look at myself maybe I was just looking so hard that I made this whole thing up in my head. I know myself though and I know what I feel in my gut so after we had a long talk about boundaries and goals I confessed the time I cheated on her. She was upset but seemed suspiciously forgiving when she full on attacked me for “making up” crazy stories about her cheating. It’s weird I walked away thinking we can start over and rebuild but without the truth from her it will never change for the best only worst. It’s gonna be hard cause I’ve never been in a serious relationship so it’s like I’m letting go of a person I planned to spend forever with. I’m scared of being alone for the first time and hurt.