This is literally just like me. I'm 20, turning 21 on Saturday. Shocked that I've made it this far and also depressed that I have. I never made plans for myself as a kid because I fucking thought I'd be dead by now, and I don't know why I thought I'd be dead by the time I was 21, but here you are feeling they same way too. Feeling the exact same way due to some unfortunate chemical balance that's really fucking hard to handle. I actually started cutting myself this week for the first time...

Enough about me. I'm proud of you. I know what you're thinking, but I'm fucking proud of you for holding on. Life sucks??? But god damn if you aren't just about one of the strongest people on this planet for fucking battling your mind every day.... anyone battling suicide and mental illness is brave.

You know you'll regret it if you do it. I know you're tired and that seems like "well if it all ends I don't have to do shit ever again"...but you're literally going to miss out on so much and hurt everyone who cares about you. That's the only thought that stops me from doing it. Like even the people at the fucking hospital who would have to try and save you if you attempted suicide--they care. I know they do.

Call someone. Say something. If you can't pretend like everything isn't okay anymore THEN DONT, but let someone know.

Tell your parents, your teacher, your sibling. You need a therapist and some medication. It's okay to ask for help and take it. It's hard and it feels like you're giving up in a different way, but you're not. You're so strong and you WILL keep going. Fuck everyone that has ever made you feel low. You go and have a great GODDAMN 21 ST BIRTHDAY!!! You go and continue to learn and grow and show everyone who thought you couldn't that you can. Take charge of yourself, you can do it. I'll do it too.

Happy birthday.