Most toxic/abusive/manipulative partners have no idea what they are doing. It is almost never a deliberate plan to undermine their partner. It doesn't matter what she thinks or what her reasons are, though. Only the result matters, and when the result is this toxic, the only right thing to do is to end the relationship.

Everyone needs to be better educated about abusive behavior, what causes it, and how to respond to it. It appalls me that this isn't taught in schools, alongside sexual health education. Abusers are almost never doing it with conscious intent, and that doesn't matter at all. If you accidentally hit someone with your car, it's just as bad for them as if you did it on purpose. The same logic applies in abusive/toxic relationships. The victim is going to get hurt just as bad. OP needs to protect himself and leave her.