My (22m) fiance (21f) of over 5 years recently found porn in my history. The reaction and fallout has been brutal. Please help!

Has to be a level of immaturity here. First (in case the rest of my comment is not read), I do not have a problem with my husband watching porn, now.

I have been with my husband since I was 16, married at 20, and I USED TO feel like porn was competition and in a way, cheating. I would get really upset about him watching it and one time when we were 19 I even cried when I caught him once with a porn DVD. However, I have grown up a lot and matured into my early 30's and I do not believe that there is anything wrong with looking at porn. I am embarrassed of my old opinions and ways in regards to it. I told my husband years ago that I didn't have an issue with him watching it alone and it floored him. I have always watched it with my husband, even when I didn't want him watching it alone. I realized how stupid this was, too, and a little hypocritical in a way on my part.

Maybe your Fiance just needs to mature a bit more and get more comfortable in her own skin. You may not be able to make her mature faster, but you can reiterate how beautiful you think she is and that you aren't necessarily admiring the girls bodies as much as the sexual acts in the porn turn you on. While you can on some level be attracted to the porn actresses, I am more inclined to think you are simply turned on at watching the act.

I would suggest seeing if you two can watch some together, but it sounds like she is disgusted by it, regardless. If porn is important to you, you may want to rethink the relationship. It sounds like you have 4 options at this point: Watch porn with her, sneak around and watch it anyway, don't watch porn, or end the relationship. I don't condone doing things on the sly, though. The ideal situation here is for her to gain some perspective on the situation and move on. She really needs to decide what is more important to her, too. Is she willing to risk ruining this relationship over jealousy to porn? Definitely all things to think about.

For what it's worth, I don't think porn is immoral and I think it is a part of a healthy sex life both by yourself and with a partner.

/r/relationships Thread