sorry i deleted originl post by accident: My boyfriend moved to my state past summer and we started dating. I am jealous about my boyfriend’s relationship with his old roommate [F21]. They were roommates for about a year in university in his old town, she was a virgin and had a huge crush on him but he didn’t want to risk their situation and do anything to jeopardize that. I should mention that one drunken night both him and his other roommate [M27] were fooling around with her and he did end up making out with her. The farthest he went was sucking her boobs but nothing else happened. Over the past summer, she lost her virginity and started sleeping around with men pretty frequently. After we started dating, every time he brought her up he followed it with the fact “I think she wants to bang me”. This bugged me but I didn’t really say anything about it. To be fair, he has agreed to stop saying this now. He continued to talk to her and stuff he would say also bothered me but again I didn’t speak up. It would be stuff like “She is always complaining to me about men. It’s awkward. I don’t know what to say,” “I feel like she is show offing” or “She keeps showing me her dress and I feel like she wants me to compliment her or something”. According to him, mostly she would get hurt over the fact that the guy she slept with didn’t want to continue seeing her after. And during those times he would reassure her that she will find someone and that she is smart, etc and there are plenty of people to date. I guess it really bugged me the most when he hinted that she wanted him to come see him and that this would be most likely for something sexual. I should mention that soon before we first met, he went back to his old state to visit everyone and kind of say goodbye. He was also going through somewhat of a dry spell during this time. I recently asked him if he met up with her when he went. He said no because she was sick at the time. I made the mistake of asking him if he would have banged her if he had the chance and he honestly replied that he would have. Note: The rest is very biased and from my POV though I try to include his responses. This obviously hurt me. It threw me for a loop because of a bunch of reasons. First was that he said he didn’t want to sleep with her many times because he doesn’t find people who had many past partners attractive. Counter: While this is the case now, he claims back in the early summer her partner number wasn’t that high so it would have been fine then. Second was that he has mentioned a few times that he didn’t bang her because he considered her a friend and didn’t want anything to get between that. Counter: he replied with that was because they were in school together and roommates so situation was different. Sure, fair enough but I felt like he was basically saying that he doesn’t mind losing the friendship now (as long as he got sex out of it). Not to mention the fact that he always claims that her sleeping around so much isn’t healthy for her whereas now he basically said he would have taken advantage of her if he had the chance. Anyway, this whole friendship or whatever it is bugs me. He is the one who always brings up the fact that she still wants to bang him. He himself said that before when she was a virgin and would hit on him it would just be a sort of “fantasy world” and now that when she hits on him after sleeping with other people, it is a bit different and awkward. His counter is that he doesn’t want to ruin a friendship and basically he sees her as a broken girl and feels the need to help her. I personally don’t think this is healthy even for her. I feel like he is enabling her messed up behaviour in a way. He also claims that he never messages her first and that she always comes to him. I just think he is trying to defend her and that it takes two to make a friendship work. From whatever I can see, he clearly responds to her in depth and keeps the conversation going. For example, he responded to a “What are you upto?” from her with 5 lines of text while sitting next to me and didn’t even mention me at all. When I told him he could go back to his old town during Christmas break if he wanted to. He told me he didn’t want to mostly because he feels like she is trying to sleep with him. I told him that sounds fishy and almost like he can’t help himself if he is in the same place as her. He said it’s because he will either not have to meet her and have to give her an explanation or have to refuse her advances if he ends up meeting her and therefore have to end the friendship. I claimed that it is not really a friendship if he can’t hang out with her in person as a friend. The whole time we argued about this, he kept on defending her and it just felt like he was making excuses for his and her behaviour which I believe is very borderline. I am bothered by the fact that clearly they both know there are feelings there and he is not really doing anything to stop her subtle flirting. I told him he could be more direct and he basically said that he doesn’t want to rude to her and that she is a fragile person and that’s how she acts, etc. I am very hurt that he pretty much invalidated my feelings by defending her instead of saying something like “I’m sorry I made you feel that way” etc. He also got very defensive and said I didn’t have the right to dictate and judge him on his friends. I guess that is fair because I was trying to tell him what kind of person she was. He claims she would never help anyone cheat. But then again, he also claims that she wants him to come there to bang him. So those are just contradicting statements. I also think he knows way too much about her sex life and even that I know too much about it. I think it is wrong for her to rely on my boyfriend for validation when she feels down. To me, him coping her through that is just wrong because I feel like she won’t really change herself as long as she knows she has someone to rely on and make her feel fine again. I guess I believe sometimes people need to lose their support in order to look at themselves clearly. He got annoyed at me for telling him how to treat his friends. Which I also understand but I was literally trying to show him my point of view in why I think this friendship isn’t really beneficial to her. I also said other mean things that he was doing this to receive attention. One of his claims was that I continue to talk to my exes and he gets annoyed but doesn’t say anything about it. I told him it was different because if any of the guys I talked to attempted flirting with me, I would stop it immediately. I don’t think I could attempt being friends with someone who I knew had feelings for me. Especially for their sake. And any one I talk to, I would be able to meet in person and be in a room with and not feel awkward. I feel like if you meet with someone and there is too much tension then you aren’t really JUST friends with them. I talked to a close friend about this and he basically said that it seems like my boyfriend is putting this girl as a back burner for available sex whenever he becomes single so now I guess I have something else to worry about. I know I am starting to be irrational about all this. He said I could read their convos but I know it will just make me second guess everything even more. I actually would be okay with him talking to her I think as long as I don’t know too much about it. I just wish he could see my side a bit more clearly and that’s why I posted here. Tell me if I am just being crazy. I just feel like it wouldn’t have gotten this far if he just tried to be nicer to me when I first brought it up instead of defending her for a while. I also wish he talked to her a bit differently so she got the hint that her behaviour wasn’t completely okay. It wouldn’t even have to be in a blunt way like he could just do it by bringing me up into convo more often, etc. Also, he keeps claiming that she is an important friend and it contradicts the fact that he would have banged her and essentially lost that friendship. If it really is so important then he would have never thought it was okay to bang her. I feel like he kept on making excuses for why this friendship is important (she is an old friend and roommate, she needs help, etc) and then at the same time making excuses for why this friendship doesn’t mean anything (that he barely messages her, that she is always complaining to him, that she is a messed up person, etc). I feel like he wouldn’t have to defend it so hard if it didn’t mean anything. I guess he is trying to downplay the “friendship” for my sake but everything just seems like white lies now. He claims I shouldn’t have tried to make him talk about all this but I really needed to know because it was actually chewing up at me for a while and we hadn’t had the chance to talk properly for a bit. I have been easily irritable lately and I don’t know if I am just going crazy and looking too much into this. Help? TL;DR: Asked my boyfriend if he would have banged this roommate if he had gotten the chance to and he replied yes. I got hurt. I was already suspicious/annoyed of his friendship with her. I feel like there is too much sexual tension for them to be just friends. EDIT: (on the phone):I guess I should add this to be fair; After not talking to my ex for two months i asked him if i could and he allowed me to. I also mentioned to him how I wanted to help my ex find other girls because I feel bad for him (he says what I did is the same as what hes doing). Apparently he only talks to this girl when she msgs him like once a month asking for either old school stuff (mid-terms and papers) or when shes feeling down. He claims he keeps his responses short and offered to show me the conversations. I do also talk to all of my ex's and keep in touch with them. I also once showed him a screenshot of my ex saying I'm hot etc and I think that hurt his feelings