I’m so sorry about your friend. Grief feels terrible and confusing. You’re not doing it wrong. You just have to feel your feelings, to get them out of your system, and heal. If you bottle it up, it just makes a deep wound inside you that never heals. But of course it’s affected you; he was very important to you.

The trouble with talking with her is, it really does sound like the plot of every catfish story, for you to tell her that he died. It really is unfair. Certainly you ought to be able to back it up with proof, but it sounds like she’s already thinking along these lines and isn’t going to listen. The issue with him using fake photos doesn’t help.

Can you separate your grief from your feeling of obligation to this girl? Or your feelings of obligation toward Matthew about this girl?

Even if not for the precisely accurate reason, I don’t doubt that she’s mourning that the guy she ‘knew’ is gone, one way or another. Will it help her to know that he was amazing and loved her, but he is really dead? I doubt it. You might feel compelled to stand up for him this way; but he doesn’t need you to do that.

But you do need to talk about your friend, and how you miss him, and how confusing it is trying to work everything out. This is just how we get better after a significant loss. I understand you and she have him in common, but you’ve got to respect her decision to not hear from you. I’m sorry.

I strongly recommend you speak with a grief counselor. This is exactly why they exist. It’s a safe, confidential way to get it all off your chest, with someone who is sensitive to the circumstances and understands what you’re going though. I’m sorry, it’s a heartbreaking situation.