I am not going to continue to tolerate the lies and libel that you have committed in this post. I am "James," and here is the truth.

Littlegoats spent the past year telling me she loved me, telling me she wanted to marry me, and telling me how she wanted to have kids with me. Suddenly, in mid-April, Littlegoats hangs out with "Sam," and she doesn't tell me that she got home that night. She texts me in the morning to tell me that she got extremely drunk the night before, and that "Sam" grabbed her hand as they were walking home. She held hands with him as they walked home, but she tells me that nothing else happened. She tells me that she really regrets it and feels terribly for doing that to me, and she suggests we Skype later that night. On the Skype call, she suddenly expresses a bunch of concerns to me that she had not previously expressed, and she tells me that she "liked holding hands with Sam" and that she is going to continue to hangout with him. She tells me that I either deal with it or we can breakup. She tells me she won't let anything happen again, and that she will express her commitment to me to Sam.

A few days later, we argue about her hanging out with Sam, and she tells me that she talked with him and that she reiterated her commitment to her relationship with me to Sam, and that Sam said he would respect that. She hangs out with Sam twice more to my knowledge before suddenly texting me one morning, when she knew I had a final paper due for one of my classes that day, and telling me that she needs to talk to me immediately and wants to fly to the city I reside in that night. She arrives in the city, comes to my house in tears after having a blow up argument with her dad about how selfish she has been acting, and lets me reassure her and calm her down and tell her that she isn't selfish before she drops the bomb on me that she held hands with him again, didn't tell me about it, and that she wants to breakup because she "feels so guilty for treating me so badly." I repeatedly ask her if she wants to breakup because of her feelings for Sam or wanting to pursue things with Sam, and she tells me over and over again that it has nothing to do with Sam and she just feels like she isn't good enough for me. I reassure her, and we have a few more fights over the past few days. I repeatedly tell her that if she wants to breakup because of things with Sam, I am alright with doing so, but that if she wants to breakup because of overwhelming guilt and anxiety from just holding hands, then that seems like a silly reason to breakup a relationship that was otherwise great. She tells me that she doesn't want to go on a romantic vacation that we had been planning for months because she doesn't feel like she is in a good enough mental state to handle it. I tell her that part of the vacation is non-refundable, so I would be out several hundred dollars if she doesn't go, for no reason, but if she really doesn't want to go, we do not have to.

During one of our big fights, I am looking through photos on her phone. She frequently takes selfies, and I was just looking through cute photos when I saw a screenshot of a message with Sam. She told him exactly what she told me she said, that she was committed to me and that she wouldn't cheat on me again, but then he responded with something very different than what she told me. He responded basically indicating that he was going to try to get her to cheat on me, and she responded to that text by saying that she had feelings for him. She had lied to me about this text for weeks, and on top of that, the conversation occurred on my birthday. I get extremely upset, tell her that I don't want to talk to her again and tell her to leave me alone, and I ask to walk alone in the suburbs of the major city that I live in. She repeatedly insists that she has to take me back to the train station to make herself feel better, and I insist that I don't want anything to do with her and do not want to spend any additional time in her car with her. I try to get out a few times, as she said, and she chases me down and begs me repeatedly to come back when I tell her repeatedly to leave me alone. I told her repeatedly that I would not harm myself and that I just wanted nothing to do with her, but she kept following me and wouldn't leave me alone until I eventually gave in and got back in the car.

She eventually decides to go on the trip with me and we try to put our issues in the back of our minds. Then she texts him during our trip, and then tells me one of the days during our trip, out of nowhere, that she is going to continue to hangout with him and that I basically have to deal with that or we will breakup. I keep tolerating all of this treatment because she keeps telling me that she has had crippling anxiety lately and that she loves me so much and envisions a future with me, but she is really anxious about that future right now.

Eventually, we go back to our respective cities, and she immediately hangs out with him again the second day she is home. Then, a few days later, she asks me for space, and I later find out that on the same day she asked me for space, only two hours prior to asking me for that space, she sent him a playlist of exclusively love songs. Almost all of these songs were songs we had shared with one another, and two of them were songs from a mixtape that I had made her.

During the breakup and the subsequent weeks, she has repeatedly told me that she loved me and that she missed me. A few days after we broke up, she was the one who suggested that we "work on improving ourselves over the summer and then talk in the fall to consider pursuing getting back together." She told me over and over that she loved me, and she repeatedly reassured me that the breakup had nothing to do with this guy or her feelings for him or me. She said it purely had to do with her overwhelming anxiety and her own personal problems, and that she really did love me and want to be with me. She repeatedly told me this over and over and over again. Even a few days after we broke up, she told me that she regretted breaking up and already missed me, but that she knew we needed time apart to work on our personal problems before we could have a good relationship.

I do not deny that I have been struggling with depression all year. I do not deny that I have had moments where I have felt suicidal, but whenever I have had them, I have said that I would not do anything to myself and repeatedly reassured her of this. There was no threat of self harm in an attempt to get her to stay in a relationship with me. In addition, as to the school problems, she came to my city a day early to spring all her anxiety on me and try to breakup when she knew I had 3 final papers due within the next few days. I told her that I was having a hard time functioning and I was unable to get things done after she dropped this bomb on me, and I worried that I was going to fail out of school. I did not use this as a tool of manipulation. I told her that I felt horrible and I legitimately worried that I would not be able to get my work done, and I wasn't able to.

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