You see sex as a physical act.

She sees a loving act.

Switch this around -- imagine if whatever it is she does that makes you feel loved was something she didn't want to do much.

Her, in such a situation: "So the sex means nothing? It's like I'm just a provider of desserts and flattering letters, this person who provides thoughtful and flattering stuff but isn't worth the intimacy of sex."

What you feel about sweetness and dancing? That is what she feels about sex. And, just as it would be devastating to you to think other sweet actions are shallow to her, it's got to be devastating to you that you think her wanting sex from you is just some base physical action.

For highly sexual people who equate sex in a relationship with love, sex is deeply emotional and romantic. The best sex I've ever had is deep and emotional to such a profound extent that words cannot describe. It's devastating when you learn your partner does not see the profound beauty in something that means so much to you.

As you know.

I mean, think about it. If orgasm and dildos were good enough, she would use a dildo and have no complaints. But instead she views sex as a deep emotional and psychological joining.

If you can't ever experience sex as deeply profound and foundational, and she needs you to see it that way, you aren't wrong -- but neither is she. You two might simply be... sorry to say it... incompatible.

I will admit, needing it at least once a day or else she feels like crap is not quite reasonable. It shows some insecurity there.

But you're deeply mistaken if you think she views you as a masturbatory aid.

If she has a high libido and believes sex to be profound, and you could take it or leave it, you two are not compatible. She finds an activity she can do only with you to be almost holy. You find it to be "eh."