No worries, you don't sound jerky at all.
I didn't really explain myself very well, so I can see how that would sound strange... I wasn't truly in full denial, as in refusal to acknowledge at all that he was cheating. I have wicked strong intuition and had been fairly certain what he was up to for a few weeks, so seeing the proof was almost a relief. He couldn't head trip and say I was crazy and imagining things any more. So, for some reason, at first I got super positive and was in fixit mode. So I wasn't in denial about him cheating; I was in denial about how serious and unforgivable it was, and in denial of the effects it would have on me and the relationship. For a day or two I had myself convinced that we were in a great place to start over now that everything was out in the open.. All we needed was love and faith in each other, and a very skilled couples counselor; we would come out stronger and closer on the other side.
Of course it didn't take long for reality to set in, and for me to know that I would never look at him the same again. The way that it all went down (and with who) was devious, low-down despicable. In addition to everything else, I have too much self-respect and love to stay with someone capable of doing that.
So my weird quasi-denial was very brief, and probably helped me to ease into coming to terms with the reality & weight of the situation. It really, badly, seriously SUCKED.. We had been together for 7 years, and the first 5 were like a perfect dream. We'd both been in long-term relationships before, but neither of us had experienced anything close to the bond we had. We were SO alike in most every way, he said I was the girl version of him. He said I taught him how to love, fucked him better than any porn star he had ever seen, we had found what we thought didn't exist. It was bliss.
Until it wasn't. Nothing else in this world has the same ability to royally, massively, completely FUCK over a beautiful thing like drug addiction and relapse after being clean for as long as I'd known him. Nothing stands a chance against THAT foe. No individual, no relationship, no job or bank account, no family unity.. You get the picture. Sorry for the huge ramble, it's been about 10 months now and I've been busy and content and not thinking about all this for a good while now. I guess I was overdue for a little venting.. I hope I answered your question! Ha.