My [26F] boyfriend [36M] of ~1 year is really pushing the whole baby thing and I don't know how I feel about it.

This is a huge part of what tore my last relationship apart. I was pretty clear from the start that I never wanted kids, we both knew he wanted kids someday but I guess at the time we started dating we didn't think the difference would cause so much tension later. It ended up in fights where he would accuse my desire to not have kids of being irrational and selfish, I would have to explain for HOURS why I was terrified of the idea of having kids, defending my own desires for my own life. He kind of understood my stance over time, but he kept trying to make me change, telling me about how great family could be, reading me stories from parents who were really happy they had kids, etc. I tried really hard for years to come around to the idea of having kids for him, but eventually realized it was just too big of a part of me to change. I started resenting him, more and more every day. He expected me to change but wasn't willing to even consider changing himself. He wasn't even open to the idea of adoption, there were no compromises. I wasn't going to completely alter such an important part of my entire future and what I wanted, for someone who wouldn't even consider making a compromise for me.

All I can say is that if you have an idea for your future, don't sacrifice it for a partner. This is definitely something I know now, although it can be hard to hold to when your partner really wants something and you want to make them happy. He knows what you want for your future, but isn't respecting it and is trying to edge his desires in over yours. Those little jokes he's sliding in are very subtle ways of being manipulative. It can probably make you feel warm and fuzzy to know he probably loves you enough to want a family with you, but that doesn't necessarily mean you want (or are ready for) a family. At the end of the day it's your call, but you have to make sure the decision is yours, and isn't pressure from him.

/r/relationships Thread