My (26M) fiancee (26F) is hurt/shocked that I want her to sign a prenup, she didn't know about my finances before and this came out of nowhere, how to proceed?

If you didn't tell her about the money, you are not ready to be married. I do not get this. I am engaged, planning to sign a prenup, and I'd have dumped your ass on the spot if you sprung that on me. What the hell are you thinking?

"Hey, I love you enough to want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don't trust you enough to tell you some very real and relevant facts about my finances"? What the hell, man? I am 100% with you that a prenup is the right way to go but this was the shittiest way to go about bringing the woman you INTEND to marry into the information.

Let's face facts: a prenup is a plan for getting divorced. It is. Anyone who claims otherwise is being an idiot. She's not wrong about that. There's no romantic way to spin it. But it makes sound logical sense and it protects everyone and usually has a cut-off date that means if we make it [x] years it is null and void. Which kind of takes the stink off of it in terms of planning to leave someone.

But you say nothing about the actual terms of plans.

But....who is paying for the prenup? Cause she's going to need her own lawyer. The whole thing is going to cost a LOT in legal fees to negotiate. Are you paying her portion? She is going to need her own lawyer and she'd be an idiot not to have one. And what KIND of prenup? At what point does the trust fund become a mutual asset. Sure, three years down the road you walk away with all the money. But if you use to finance, let's say private school for your kids, is she obligated in the divorce to pay it back? Have you thought this through? This is an incredibly complicated situation and to not have clued her it, to not have DISCUSSED it, makes me kind of sick.

You fucked up. Not by asking for the prenup, that's a good call. But you kept vital and important information from the woman you intended to marry and she has every reason in the WORLD to hate your guts right now for springing this on her and cornering her. It's worth noting that making your engagement contingent on this prenup could invalidate it in court so you had best back off and talk, talk a lot, and get this smoothed over before either of you to go a lawyer because even the hint of coercion will invalidate this in court. You are right to protect your assets and you're right to be that forward thinking, but you screwed the pooch so badly in your approach to this situation I'd be surprised if she agrees. I wouldn't. And I say that as someone who SUGGESTED the prenup for my partner and myself.

A prenup is an agreement. AGREEment. You both have to agree. Meaning, you have to come to terms that protects you from losing your nest egg while still protecting her from being destitute in the end of a divorce. You act like this is all some game you're playing. You will not (and hear this) will not get her to sign an agreement that all that trust fund is yours forever and ever. That's simply not going to happen. Unless she's incredibly stupid, of course. Because, let's say you make a total of 80k a year (respectable) and you keep your trust fund. You could KILL her in divorce court. Take the kids, the house, everything. She wouldn't have the resources to fight you. She'd be insane to take that deal.

Your approach, your expectations, and your execution of this were a nightmare. I don't know how to help you. Apologize? Go see attorneys and get an idea of what it looks like? This is an eight thousand dollar mess and you better be praying you can work it out.

/r/relationships Thread