My [27 F] boyfriend [ 32 M] is extremely rude to me when he is under stress. How can I get him to change his attitude towards me?

A year ago, when he told me that he was really stressed and could not allocate the energy to talking about my relationship concerns, I understood. But now, I am starting to believe that the reality is that he just doesn't want to deal with me.

I told him it feels like he only wants me when I'm good. If I do something he doesn't like, instead of talking about it, he gives me the option to leave. It feels like he is always threatening our relationship, but of course when I told him that, he said he didn't want to have anything to do with someone who uses the word "threat" when its not true. But is that not a threat indirectly? If you continue to do X, then I will leave.

Whenever I confront him about my concerns in "the right moment" (the moment he is done with a deadline), he claims to have residually high cortisol levels and wants to be left alone to game.

I admit, I do always end up losing my temper a little but I can't help myself. I feel like I have so much pent up frustration and hateful feelings towards how he lashes negative energy onto me and seems not to feel the slightest bit of remorse. When he's happy, he acts as if nothing has happened at all.

He says that he also feels disrespected when I don't consider sleeping at the same time as him (causing him to sleep on the couch), keeping the place clean while he's working at home (not making a huge mess) and not immediately leaving him alone when he asks.

Given what you know, do you think that I could also be at fault here? I am just struggling to understand why he feels so entitled to his opinion and can completely fail to see where I am coming from. It truly baffles me.

/r/relationships Thread Parent