OP the whole point of a husband and co-parent, is to make BOTH lives happier, healthier, and easier. He clearly isn't making you happy. You are having to do all the childcare, all the housework, he can't even be bothered to get your child to school. You are not healthier because he can't even buy groceries!! Does he give you time for a mental break? Does he let you exercise? Have alone time? If he plays video games all day, even is your break? How does he make your life easier? He doesn't do chores, doesn't care for the kids, doesn't work or provide financial support.

Being in a healthy, positive, rewarding adult relationship with co-parenting involves so much more than love. You need trust, respect, equality, similar goals, similar values. You cannot trust him enough to take his child to school. He doesn't respect you, when he blames you for his not going grocery shopping. Things are clearly not equal. YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING.

Stop asking how your can change him and realize this is who he is. Your oldest is 7. SEVEN YEARS. And your husband has never had a job or been responsible for your children? If he was going to change, he would've already done it. Nothing you say or do will force him to help because the truth is he doesn't want to. He is willing to watch you suffer and try to do everything, while he does nothing. (Even worse, he lets your mother do more parenting than him!!)

You need to wake up and realize your are already a single mom. Your life would be easier without him around. If you leave him, you would get child support (so more money). You would have one less person to do chores for. You would have a cleaner house. There are literally no benefits to this guy. You're endlessly hoping he will change, but the real answer is he doesn't care enough about you to change. He wants everything you be done for him and not do anything himself.