Im going to just insert a very unpopular opinion... In 2013, I fell very ill from a longtime illness and sparing details, I was sent home to die. My husband at the time abandoned me and I was devastated. Through therapy, a lot of research, I realized what he did sucked but he couldn't deal with it and I needed to just respect that. We didn't discuss a lot of what was going on with me and he didn't want to. He worked more hours, went our of town and disappeared. It was harsh. So, hindsight, I wish he had just told me this wasn't what he signed up for and despitr marital vows, he couldn't cope and needed an out. It sounds like your husband is sick, doesn't want to deal with being sick and live life to the fullest and you're stuck. It's okay to be stuck, I'd leave him be and walk away. At some point be isn't going to feel like he can conquer the world and will need you. That's up to you. Despite what you are feeling, you're not the one that's sick. It's hard to not let something consume you, Esp when you love someone, you've spent years together and planned a future. Don't let it consume you, because this may not be the end. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and decide what is best for you.. Because honestly if you can't cope or deal, you're no good for anyone and hindsight in my situation, I wish my ex had just been honest with me and walked away sooner. You can't care for someone who simply doesn't want to be cared for and it's near impossible for someone in that position to care for you every step of the way as you fall apart, watching them be sick. I dont think you're being selfish, you just want to feel like you're a team, a United front in his illness and to be able to discuss options, his wants and needs, long term care and his wishes and make plans. It's normal to freak out, because there isn't a handbook or manual on how to deal with a sick spouse or family member. Youre going to have to go with your gut, given him space and decide if you can handle this and decide.