My [27M] wife [26F] of 4 years doesn't respect me anymore -- can one regain respect?

But sometimes I think she is almost TOO attached to the baby to the point where it is damaging mine and my wife's relationship. (I hope that doesn't make me sound like a jerk, but people with kids will understand. Sometimes your love life, for example, can be placed on the backburner after having a kid.)

I don't have a kid and I totally understand. While the child should get all the care they need, the partner should not take the second place. I disagree with every person who thinks the opposite should be the case - there has to be a strong bond independent of the kid, and partner should be no 1 in many ways.

Her relationship with other people is interesting. She is ALWAYS in a good mood and is her sweet self around friends, strangers, and my family, and she's usually in a good mood around her family. I feel like I'm the only person who sees her true "bad side."

Does it seem like she is not truly close to these people? If she might be bipolar or something, and only shows her true face to few, it would most likely be her family who would observe similar behavior. It seems she is in a good mood around them now (that she takes her anger out on you), but do you know if there were any past issues in their relationship?

Ok, she doesn't seem like a person who cant entertain herself or do her own thing, so that's not it.

It really seems like whatever the cause is, it isn't clear to you at all, perhaps not even to her (very likely it is subconscious or surpressed and manifesting itself through annoyance and inexplicable anger.) Or, she has some imbalance. Either way, with poor communicantion and things being this way, therapy seems like the best solution.

How about sending her a long email before you go to work (take time to write it before.) Put emphasis on how this is for both of you, that you want to understand why some things aren't right and want them to be better for her and you, because you care. That you feel you are not understanding her well and would like to. That there's nothing to lose. That you want both of you to be happier. Not too accusatory, not blaming yourself either, just make a point you want things to be better.

ask her to process it and think about it, not reply instantly. Maybe her first reaction would be anger. But then she can calm down and see how this could be good. If she tries to talk about it angry, don't get into it, shut her out because it might ruin the whole thing. Keep bringing it up when calm.

Is there a person you both trust and are close to? Her family member, friend, anyone you could feel like bringing this up with without her feeling betrayed? If she confides in that person after you mention counseling, they could help explain why it could be good. Or even give you suggestions on how to approach this knowing her better.

/r/relationships Thread