"She says she wants me to find clothes that make me feel pretty, but when she says things like that, I just want to crawl into a hole and die."

If someone tells you your clothing is too revealing it makes sense to worry about it. But when someone tells you that you should wear nicer clothes to make you "feel pretty," why would that make you feel bad?

All of the other comments seem to take your mother to task for trying to embarrass you for the occasional hole or other glimpse of undergarments. To me, that just reads older, more conservative beliefs that undergarments are not for public display. She might have no idea how it affects your father, but it bothers her that any male might see your dainties. Or, if he feels the same way, maybe it does bother him and maybe he does think it best that the women talk about that kind of thing. And it probably has nothing to do with your dad having any inappropriate ideas about you, it's just a cultural/age thing.

But that still wouldn't explain why you feel disgusted and embarrassed when she says you should wear something nice. Just from your story, that seems to bother you more than her complaining about your bra showing, which just makes you angry or a little embarrassed, not like you want " crawl into a hole and die."

Many people - more obviously girls because of types of clothing - dress down and purposely take less care with personal hygiene after being molested or sexually assaulted. They don't want to look attractive because that will bring unwanted attention to them. That was the first thing I thought of when I read that comment that I quoted.

I don't really have an answer here, but maybe a thought that counseling might be helpful to find out why you are reacting that way to the suggestion you might want to look pretty.