My (28M) wife (28F) is pregnant and I'm extremely overwhelmed

Were you consulted about her going off her birth control? Was it a decision you made together, and you're surprised she got pregnant so quickly? Or did she make that decision without telling you and effectively trick you into a pregnancy? That drastically changes the situation, IMO.

I will say, if she did any of this without your knowledge, she's in the wrong. Tampering with birth control is considered stealthing, the same way that poking holes in a condom is assault. I would end the relationship over this.

That said, if you agreed to this & now find yourself second-guessing it, that's all pretty normal. People get nervous before kids, and as a mother myself, I definitely feel like women are more likely to connect with the baby during pregnant than the fathers, who sometimes struggle with feeling connected to their baby until they're actually born.

In addition—you've been together 8 years, and you are the same age. If you don't see yourself having children in your early thirties, when do you? Your 40's?

That will likely be difficult, if not impossible for her. It gets exponentially harder to have children with each passing year, and anything over 35 comes with a slew of disadvantages, the title "geriatric pregnancy," and is almost always immediately considered "high-risk".

I first got pregnant at 26. It was pretty easy. I'm 28 now, and I've been trying to get pregnant again for months now. It's a lot harder! And it's only been two years!

You say you've been clear for 8 years that you don't want kids yet. But a lot changes in 8 years, especially from 20-28. Have you continuously brought this up? Did you bring it up before marriage? Did your wife agree? Was it a concrete plan—say, let's have children around 35+? Or was it just, "No, not yet?"

My guess is neither of you communicated it properly, and she thought you married her because you were ready, like she was.

/r/relationship_advice Thread