I totally agree with seeing what people have done and accept them the way they are. It's just hard because after all these years I understand now that it wasn't personal the way he was treating me. He didn't call me not because he hated me but because he just doesn't call people. He wouldn't call his parents. He wouldn't call his kids. I don't think it's malicious. I truly believe and have seen it to be out of sight out of mind. He gets totally focused on whatever is in front of him. I honestly think it's some kind of thing that has a name for it. He has some kind of detachment. It's in his genes. I am here with his parents and his dad is very similar. His mom told me that his dads father was the same way. That they were raised to not be emotional and to view women as a lesser. As ugly as that is. His dad is always making rude comments about his wife and jokes about women and yeah it's funny because he's an old man and jokes are funny but it is sad too. My son is starting to show a little bit of disconnect too. I have to say the right things to encourage him to speak and express himself. He is rude sometimes just because he (my son) doesn't want to deal with the situation at hand. I guess I just have guilt because I know if I had been different when we were together then I would have been able to keep us together. I just pushed him away. We both had our faults. And hindsight is 20/20 I guess. But you're right. All this is long. And I do want something different for me and my kids. I want a partner and a friend. I need a partner who with me is a good example for my kids on what a healthy relationship should be like/look like/feel like.