My (30) Long-term girlfriend (30) who I support 100% financially (she doesn't work/is a student) spent over 10k on my credit card after telling me she would handle our finances.

Like she finally thought, shit I'm gonna have to keep up appearances here and actually go to school. Why did it take her that long of "free living" to actually go to school.....If he stays in this relationship its going to take her the better part of a decade to graduate...if she graduates, I guarantee it.

That's a lot of bold assumptions you're making there. If you could tell all this about a person based on a bullet-point list in a Reddit post, I don't think psychology would be such a complicated field.

It is not unacceptable in the least to expect someone to carry a part time job for spending money while in school.

No, it's not. But they literally don't need to, it would be solely out of principle, and they've already agreed not to do that. Remember, these two are in a committed relationship, they're not roommates, friends or just dating. It's perfectly fine for them to plan a shared financial situation, if that's what they want to do. It was even at OP's own suggestion they did this in the first place. Which is fine. Single income households are fine if it works for everyone involved.

Clearly they had a misstep in letting her control the finances, but as long as he takes control back and they're both on board with trying something else, then there's no problem.

She clearly has issues with financial responsibility and having people cover your expenses will not learn you any lessons.

Yes, she does. Which is why he's here looking for advice. And yes, being covered financially won't teach you any lessons.. but it won't stop you from learning any lessons either. If she wants to become more responsible with money, and they couple it up with therapy or an efficient plan, it's perfectly possible for her to learn to be better with money within the arrangement they currently have.

The notion that only having a job can teach you to be responsible with money is completely flawed, simply because a lot of kids learn to be responsible with money solely through allowances, and a lot of adults work for decades without learning to be responsible with money.

/r/relationship_advice Thread Parent