My (30m) gf (22f) wants to stay together for the baby, even though neither of us are happy.

You need to start looking at the necessary steps as fixing your family rather than breaking it. It sounds like you have been unhappy for so long that you've lost perspective of not only how dysfunctional this situation is, but how realistic/achievable and necessary changing to a happier situation is. It's often not until you've settled in to your new circumstance, detoxing from that negativity and walking on eggshells, that you feel the relief of that weight from your shoulders and remember what a functional environment is supposed to feel like.

You can't stay in an environment of "quiet desperation" with someone you don't love anymore and is incompatible with both you and your daughter just because she is the mother of your child, stuck around during one temporary low point, and "most people would be happy that someone wants to marry them." Doesn't that sound crazy? Your history doesn't sentence you to staying with someone they don't love or want to be with, and frankly wanting to marry you and support you during a low period are basic qualities you can reasonably expect to find in someone--as the foundation to a relationship that has many other positive qualities. If you feel guilty about leaving her, think about how you both deserve to be with someone that loves them mutually, even if she convinced herself that's not what she wants.

As someone who grew up with parents that were miserable together (and thought they were hiding it), that is not better than "breaking up the family." I had no idea what a healthy relationship should look like until recently. Kids always perceive more than parents realize, so you just need to remind yourself that they will be worse off in a tense, unhappy house than two houses where you know, at least in your home, you have the power to give them a stable, safe environment. You also know that Rebecca is not a good fit as a stepmother, and you have a duty to your older daughter to only instate a parental figure that improves the home dynamic, and you can do that without feeling like you are letting down your youngest in the process.

Rebecca may be a young mother, but she is still an adult capable of a good life without being completely dependent on you. You only obligation to her relates to co-parenting your child. It would make things easier from the beginning to at least consult a custody lawyer for advice. Even if things are more stressful at first and child support is expensive, it is a fair price for happiness.

/r/relationships Thread