Where do I start...wow... so many problems here.
we changed things that we could, (my neediness restricted her socially, so I learned to trust her and not begrudge her time with her friends, she tries her best to be tidy and prudent with her cash flow and to meet my emotional needs in a healthy, non-dysfunction-enabling way)
and then...
Unfortunately, she still misses the occasional payment due to her habit of spending most of her extra money rather than save it, and I have to bail her out. I texted her around midnight, when I was expecting her to come home...I fought the urge to be my old needy self and text her friend to ask my SO to call me, but as the minutes turned into an hour, I became increasingly nervous.
From this description, nothing has changed. Your neediness is still restricting her socially, you do not trust her, you are dependent on your SO in an obsessive, unhealthy way, and unfortunately for you she is not responsible for your extreme emotional needs. Thinking to contact an SO's friend immediately after you are not able to get ahold of your SO is not healthy, it is controlling and disrespects your SO's boundaries. SO chose to relocate to a friends house, as well as turn her phone off, or not re change it. Yet you would still think it ok to contact said friend and ask SO to call you? Because what you need to know that moment is more important than her time with a friend, also her choice not to speak to you in those moments? What about general unavailability? Phones die. Its part of life. It is alarming that this is a common enough behavior to mention, as well as the fact that it is still an active urge.
Also the fact that SO left for a friends house and you were trying to see if she would still take you to works leads me to believe that we are missing important preceding details to this story.
Finally, at 2 AM, she called me. I was a wide awake, nervous wreck. I was initially very upset about her lateness.
Don't you have work in the morning? Why have you not gone to bed yet? Oh yea, because you considered your SO's text cryptic.
Do you wait up every night for you SO to get home??
Controlling, man. Not healthy, not cool, very codependent.
It seems like you feel the need to dictate the decision making processes in your SO's life because, in your opinion, her previous harmful decisions have sacrificed her right to make current decision about her finances, friends, how time is spent, etc. Where is the trust?
On top of that, you seem to belittle you SO constantly and think you are somehow mightier.
Examples:
I play bass and sing in a casual rock band once a week with occasional performances...but she does little in her spare time but hang out at home with me, watch TV, see friends occasionally and mess around with the odd craft project.
ok... so you hangout with her, watch TV, see friends occasionally as you said you have separate friend group, and mess around with the odd craft once a week (bass). You do the EXACT same things she does with her spare time, but Im willing to bet she doesn't keep track of you, contact your friends while you are out, talk down about your hobbies, micromanage your finances, or assess your behaviors based on family history. Why are your activities so much more positive and fulfilling than hers, although they essentially mirror each other?
I pointed out that she is always broke, even with me covering some expenses, so there was no way she would be able to keep the condo if we were to separate...My instinct told me her reasoning is ass-backwards...If she pushes me away, she'll only dig herself into another hole.
This is just being a bully and belittling your SO's intelligence. Your SO isn't broke or poor at managing money either from what I've read. Her good sized debt is paid off and she manages to pay an oversized mortgage each month, with the ability to pay you back for when she forgets. That seems like memory and lack of habit more than poor management. You said she pays the mortgage and fees, she has been paying for your living expenses, show some gratitude. Clearly she is not always broke. What is your definition of broke? I am very interested.
IDK dude, you sound like an asshole and I wouldn't want to date you. Your SO if probably taking the blame for everything so she doesn't have to listen to you insult her repeatedly while discussing your guys' future, probably figures its better to lay down before you berate her to the floor. LMAO also @ the end of the post reinforcing codependency with more "facts." Stop making excuses and show some appreciation for all she does. She pays your rent and your complaining she won't do dishes. Boo hoo.
More proof of being an asshole:
On the wrong end of the spectrum, we can choose to use generosity as an excuse for complacency and become spoiled, always expecting a handout. On the correct end of the spectrum, we can be inspired by generosity and use it as an opportunity to better ourselves and eventually, return or pay forward what we have been given.
Using "wrong" and "right", AKA "her side of things" and "my side of things" instead of one side of the spectrum and the other. Wrong and right leave no no room for any sort of rebuttal, it is just stated as fact. Your opinion is not fact.
Analyzing your SO so deeply to the point that you are deciding what she is going to do and how she is going to act based on information you know about her family, again declaring everything as fact
This post is so ridiculous to me. I would highly suggest therapy and some time to yourself outside of relationships.