My [38/M] daughter [14/F] refuses to speak to me and co-operate with visitation after learning the reason for my divorce (2 years ago) from her mom [36/F] was because I had an affair.

You are awfully sympathetic to long-term cheaters, why is that?

Well first of all, because I don't use a fucked up form of discretion to decide when generalizations are appropriate. Good people cheat. Bad people cheat. It's not a violation of nature, it's a violation of a human implemented institution. It's not a good thing, but I recognize that people reside on gradients and will rationalize emotions-such as guilt, apathy, anger, and even hatred-away. They will also rationalize their actions away as a coping mechanism. It's not even psych 101, it's just a logical fallacy to think otherwise. I'm not going to crucify a person and tell him he doesn't deserve happiness because of something shitty he did. I think everyone else here is projecting their own experiences on this guy and it's sickening. He came here seeking advice and a resolution and everyone is throwing him to the wolves.

I understood your implication and you're wrong. I've been in a relationship for five years now and have never cheated. I've had the urge, but unlike OP I communicated these things with my wife and we accepted that they're a normal part of long term relationships and that communicating our real feelings-no matter how ugly they are-is the only path to a healthy conflict resolution and maintaining a bond of trust. Not everyone has that kind of relationship, and if you aren't having sex and if you aren't communicating or still connecting emotionally then that repression is extremely toxic to a relationship and can lead to stress which leads to depression which leads to things like impulse control and an abuse of dopamine in order to feel like a person again. Hence a six month affair.

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