My [38f] husband [40m] of 12 years encouraged me to gain 30 lbs. His libido has never been higher, mine has never been lower.

It sounds to me like you really need to work on loving yourself the matter what you look like. I mean, Jesus, most women would die to have their husbands want them as badly as you described here. He obviously sees the beauty in you, and I think it's important that you learn how to see the beauty in you too. Are you succumbing to coming to societies view of beauty? Are you comparing yourself to thin models? If you are fit and thin before, 30 pounds is really not that much in terms of making you "fat".

Stop the negative self talk. Go get a new haircut. Maybe change your hair color. Get some new outfits. There is so much that you can do to feel prettier, and younger, that doesn't have to do with your body. It sounds like you're tired of the massive dieting and working out. So give yourself permission to love you. Give yourself permission to find the beauty in your new body. The curve of your belly, your ass, your breasts. There is beauty in everyone, so I know there is beauty in you as well. Look for it.

/r/relationships Thread