My(39m) daughter (16f) came out today and my wife(39f) cannot take it.

Honestly? I've known several people through the years who came out as teenagers and are now in heterosexual marriages or relationships. It's entirely possible that your daughter is gay and will live her entire life that way. Experience tells me that it's not necessarily the case. Teenagers sometimes try on identities for awhile and later decide they don't fit.

That being said your wife has decided to deal with this in the most traumatizing and quite possibly family-destroying way. Your response was reasonable, loving, and accepting-- but if your wife continues on the warpath, her behavior may drive your daughter away forever. If you can't get your wife to view your daughter's sexuality as her decision and her choice, perhaps the best way to go is try and coax her to be less judgmental by explaining the phenomenon above that I've observed and that by condemning your daughter she is driving her away and into an oppositional position-- and if she'd act more accepting and less like it's a big huge deal perhaps daughter will come around in the long run. It's not ideal, and assuming your daughter is gay it doesn't guarantee that your wife won't flip out in the future, but it buys some time for her to have a change of heart before your daughter decides "fuck this, I'm out."

/r/relationship_advice Thread