My (45/F) daughter (16/F) is in a relationship with a boy (17/M) who treats her like absolute trash and as her mother I'm at a loss for what to do in order to help her understand that he's not good for her.

Ah man, this winded me. I was in a very similar relationship from 16-19 and it FUCKED me up. I won’t get into the details but it started out like this and got a lot worse- to give you a taster I just recently found out I might have HIV. It ended on his terms (surprise surprise) and he broke my heart. I still can’t really cope with relationships. I definitely can’t cope with sex.

People told me at the time what was going on but I didn’t listen. At that time it all seems romantic and passionate. You probably won’t change her mind. However, I can give a few pieces of advice:

Keep letting her talk to you about it, it’s heartbreaking to see someone you love make the same mistake over and over, but make sure she doesn’t begin to distance herself from you

Try and get her back in touch with her friends- my friends saved my life more than once

Have them stay at your house, not his. Make sure this is all very much in the open where you can see it.

If possible speak to his parents but he’s nearly 18 so they might not feel like it’s their problem. If you can, broach it as laying ground rules for when they see each other (i.e. not 3am).

Hopefully she’ll come out of this alright. I am broadly fine now, if anything I now feel wildly superior to the guy who abused me. But I wouldn’t go through it again. Just keep it where you can see it is all I can say, show her what healthy love is.

/r/relationships Thread