he didn't get mad at our sons and oldest daughter and they were actually having sex.
That's some fucking bullshit right there. What kind of backwards, camouflage-wearing, banjo-playing troglodyte did you marry?
I know that my husband is only reacting this way because he's having a hard time letting go because she's our youngest child and everything is moving so quickly and she's only 16, but just because he's having trouble letting go doesn't mean that she should be punished for something like sex and especially not so harshly.
You should add "sexist as fuck" in here. Seriously, is this not pissing you off?
I haven't raised anyone to college age, and I wouldn't know what to do with a teenager or what punishments are appropriate or what works. What I do know are:
His double standards are bullshit and backwards. About 80 years behind the times.
Teenagers WILL have sex. Putting them on total lockdown might actually solve that problem, but the issue is that being that strict with them will be pushing them away from you. Do you think they'll come to you for help if they actually get into serious trouble? Or will you have scared them away for good?
If she cuts off contact with both of you for good after she moves out, how will you react? Will you blame your husband for being a bone-headed buffoon? Will you blame yourself for not standing up for your daughter?
There's something you seem to gloss over that I find interesting. Why is your husband so ready to dismiss your opinions on the matter? Parenting is a joint venture. You don't make a huge unilateral move like this unilaterally. Or at least you don't if you see your wife as an equal partner.
Basically, what I see is a misogynist who is literally trying to lock his daughter away because the idea of her sexuality terrifies him, and a very unreasonable man who seems to completely dismiss his wife's feelings and input. Does this seem accurate? I would also question his version of events. He seems dead set that your daughter was doing much more than she said she was. Who is the more credible witness in this scenario?
Personally I think you should ask yourself if you're going along with your husband's plans because you agree with him, or because he doesn't care about what you fragile female mind thinks, and you know you won't be able to change his mind. And I also want to you to think about what is genuinely best for your daughter, because his plan to me seems like a knee-jerk reaction where he went from 0-100 instantly, and is now refusing to back down.