Contact was cut when the daughter was 17. She was a child, without the emotional and mental capacity to act as an adult. She was dealing with what sounds like the incredibly toxic and abusive divorce of her parents. She was in no way capable of handling this situation as a mature and rational adult.

OP, on the other hand, is an adult. A petty and bitter one to be sure, but still an adult. He is misdirecting his issues with his ex on his daughter and it is not mature or healthy. He should not be telling his daughter that he was contemplating suicide or placing his emotional needs on his daughter. He’s implying that she (and her sister) should have recognized his trauma and needs as adults capable of rationalizing the situation when they were *children** traumatized by their parents’ toxic and incredibly acrimonious divorce.

Also just a step father? You can can have an equal relationship with a step parent as you would a blood parent. He was there for them for a significant portion of their lives and he raised them. They are, for all intents and purposes, his daughters.

Whether he accepts it or not, it never should have been a consideration in the first place. He should not be considering making a money transaction a condition of them reconnecting. He brought it up (apparently) by thinking they were only coming to him for money for college, not because they made a mistake and wanted a relationship with their father. His ex is responsible for taking the money and he should be talking to her about getting it back - not making his daughter a surrogate and middleman for their fucked up relationship.