I agree with your opinion, I don’t want animal products involved in my meals, and take precautions to prevent that.

The issue, to me, is of responsibility in these situations. Like you, the thought of someone dripping blood all over my salad disgusts me. That having been said, there’s thinking about things, and then the reality of things.

If you are dining in a restaurant the chances of a vegan meal being cross contaminated is probably close to 100%. It is near impossible, outside of a vegan restaurant specifically, for cross contamination not to occur, and that’s if you order something vegan. If you just go for a salad or come veggies at a regular restaurant there’s no chance it isn’t contaminated. I don’t go to restaurants often, but when I do I realize this, and thinking about it may be bad, but its my responsibility to make that decision, and this is getting food from professional chefs who theoretically care. This is the reality of how restaurant kitchens operate and the products they use.

At a social gathering at someone’s private home, where the theme sticking critters into fire and meat is everywhere, the responsibility for dealing with that situation is mine, not anyone else’s. I can have zero expectation of no animal exposure from non-professional chefs. I can, at best, bring a container or have a foil wrapped packet of veggies and ask they be put, wrapped on the grill to steam with everyone else’s food. You cannot expect a grill to have a “veggie” side that is right next to grilling meat, spitting grease and blood all over the grill. Or the “veggie” side wasn’t used the day before to roast critters..

When I go to events like this, and I am asked to go, the responsibility is on me to avoid that, not an unpaid non-professional-chef friend to take responsibility. I realize I’ll be in a place where people will be sucking on bones and grunting and spitting chunks of meat out when they talk, and leaving bones and chewed on carcasses all over the place. Even if I just bring hummus and a fruit salad (and I frequently do) I’ll still be exposed to all that, regardless of whether there’s the illusion of a vegetarian side to the cooking surface.

If it truly was a problem for me when invited to a BBQ

I shouldn’t be there in the first place, much less cause undue burden on everyone else; I should bring my own protected meal that doesn’t rely on someone else taking care of my needs, and; I should maintain personal responsibility in my food, and remember this is a social event, not a vegan event, and pushing an agenda, unasked, on other people is not nice.

So when I say a vegan is being an asshole, then what I mean is they are taking zero personal responsibility for their issues and trying to bend the world to their own desires, which would be great, except you’re in someone’s home and it is inappropriate.