My mother married a man like this. It very nearly destroyed our relationship, and even though it’s been 25 years, I’ve never been able to get back to the place where I trusted her. She willfully subjected her daughters to a controlling and manipulative man who treated us like garbage. She didn’t protect us. She didn’t leave, even though she didn’t like what he was doing, (though I didn’t know it at the time because she never stuck up for us in front of him), even though she could have afforded it. She complained often of how he demanded to parent us (we already had a father), but wouldn’t allow her to parent his son. He convinced her over time that we were liars and lazy and only ever tried to manipulate her. We were actually really great kids and he had her convinced we were awful. She didn’t realize it until it was too late. She didn’t leave until he cheated on her. By the time she finally did get out, I had already made up my mind that when I turned 18 I was leaving and she was never going to see me again. Ever. No phone calls, no grandkids, nothing. I was done.

My relationship with her never fully recovered. And yeah, I’m probably projecting a ton, but I see the same red flags my mom ignored. Don’t do this to you and your daughter. Run. Put her first. Cause this will only get worse if you move in with him.