Hey, I’m a 28 y/o cis-gendered woman. I’m writing this to hopefully give you a little reassurance from someone in a similar boat to you.

I’ve been seeing a wonderful guy for a few months now who absolutely adores my feet. I hadn’t had any exposure to foot play before being with him so he’s been helping me to lean into it and learn what makes him tick because his reactions excite me when I do things like paint my toe nails dark colours, send him cheeky foot photos during the day or just ask him straight during sex to play with them in the ways he enjoys. Prior to dating him, I had some hang ups about my feet because I personally don’t find feet attractive and when I was growing up I thought my feet looked weird - less so if I took the time to give myself a pedicure but still... Let’s just say I deliberately bought closed shoes for many years because I didn’t want to show them off.

Enter Mr Right and he is drastically shifting my perspective on what is attractive, because being exclusively with him means I only care about what’s attractive to him. And that means lots of fun foot play.

Now to get personal to your story: • The experiences we have when we’re growing up sincerely affect our narrative about what’s normal and acceptable. Hence, when your father (wrongly) told you your body was unacceptable as it is, he knowingly/unknowingly instilled a fear that you are somehow less than. Body neutrality - i.e. accepting yourself as you are - takes work and you can view your opinions about yourself as plants in a garden (idea from Emily Nagoski, author of ‘Come As You Are’). Some of these we didn’t get to choose, they were planted for us from a young age, eg societal expectations of “normal” sex and gender roles. But that doesn’t mean that, with sustained conscious effort, you can’t dig them out and replace them with a much healthier plant of your choosing. Remember your dad is human too, with his own likes/dislikes, and it may well be that he found all feet unattractive, not just yours. But to round this point off, you aren’t trying to make yourself attractive to your father, you’re trying to excite your partner who is an entirely separate entity (which is a diplomatic way of saying fuck what your dad thinks about your feet and focus on what your man is frequently telling you instead). • If you’re questioning your man’s sincerity when he expresses his enthusiasm for your feet, it’s unlikely to be because you think he’s a liar (unless you really do think he might be lying about this and other things in your relationship. If that’s the case, please take a beat to consider whether this relationship is right for you). I expect it’s more likely to be because you can’t yet see the beauty in your own feet and accept yourself as you are. “Yet” being the key word here. Work on your self-acceptance and you will flourish. Use your partner’s words as affirmations and take them at face value, rather than trying to read between the lines to find the messages that reaffirm you aren’t worthy of his love and affection. Remember that his brain and your brain are wired differently - you don’t have a foot fetish so you are unlikely to ever see exactly what he sees, but you can certainly learn how to leverage what he likes when you’re playing together.

And above all else, make sure all your foot play (and any other kind of erotic/sexual encounter) is consensual for both of you. Please don’t put yourself into situations where you feel uncomfortable with the words/act. Communicate with your partner and don’t be afraid to ask why he likes what he likes, but come at the situation with curiosity and a willingness to learn for the optimal experience for both of you.

I hope this helps. Feel free to reply if you have more questions! X