At first, they don't show you their dark side. They show you someone very charismatic, someone who actually cares. They treat you like you're the best thing in the world. It's not hard to fall in love with them, and you do. Their change is gradual. It sneaks up on you.

And then it breaks you down. His behavior changes and he's very willing to pin it on something you've done. You're too needy, too demanding, expect too much. You're irritating. You love him, so you're not angry at him for feeling poorly about something you're doing. In fact, you want him to feel good. You work on trying to change yourself. You want this relationship to work. You want things to be the way they were before. You want the person that you love so dearly to continue to love you back and to be happy.

But your improvements don't help much. And when you inevitably slip once or twice, he is there to remind you who you are. You blame yourself. This IS who you are. You DID fuck up. You DO deserve this. Why can't you do anything right?

It escalates.

You take so much blame into yourself. You feel so much guilt for your failings that sometimes you want to shake other people and say "Don't you see? If I hadn't fucked up like this, he wouldn't have had a reason to do anything. I screwed up here. It was my fault. I hurt HIM and I deserve the reaction I got."

At the same time, you know it's wrong that he reacts so strongly. You think back to the past, though. You remember how it was when you were happy together. You hate yourself for screwing it up. You still hope you can reclaim that. You still love him. You don't think it is possible that you won't ever love him. If only you weren't you... if only you were better... if only you didn't make so many mistakes...