My boyfriend moved to another state after college for a job so we were doing long distance at this time. He was taking about this time period in his life .....
I thought we had a healthy and strong relationship for the past 7 years and my family and friends all love him.....
He doesn’t do drugs or drink much anymore. I’m so upset, any advice please?
Well, shit. That really sucks and sounds awful. Sorry this is happening to you!
Couple things come to mind here:
A.) You both were really young when you started. Probably not helpful to the overall situation: we're often still learning at this stage of life when it comes to relationship strategies and dealing with life in general.
B.) It was a while ago for him, but it might as well be now for you since you just found out. For you, it's fresh and it likely feels like it calls the whole relationship into question.
C.) Only you can say if he has become a better man, aside from this secret he's been harboring. It could very well be that he is. You'd be aware of whether or not there have been inconsistencies in his behavior over the years that indicate dishonesty.
D.) Nothing anyone says or does can make it right. It comes down to what it means to you and how you process it.
E.) There are cultural issues at play here.
Dating culture often defines the male role as "the one who initiates or pushes for something to happen." The problem being that women can initiate too, but men don't often have a lot of experience in enforcing their boundaries because they often don't have the need to develop this: most of the time, if they don't start something, girls aren't going to push.
F.) None of these facts change that it's going to be difficult to process.
I guess it comes down to whether you can trust his account of the situation.
It might very well be that the relationship needs to end. That's valid.