My boyfriend's [24m] best friend from college [25m] got creepy and violent with some of my [23f] best friends [22f 22f 23f] from college. We just found this out.

it’s absolutely terrible to hear the things you and your friends went through during college! i don’t think i would’ve handled that situation as gracefully as you did if i were to come face to face with a known sexual predator that attacked me once. so i applaud you for that!

however, despite what he did while in college, i wouldn’t be so quick to immediately determine joey haven’t changed since then. maybe he has? BUT you definitely do not need to figure that out, you can keep yourself 100000000000 miles away from that man if you can never bring yourself to forgive him and see him differently. perfectly reasonable. you can also reach out to the fiancée and inform her of what he has done in the past, whether she knows or not and denies it or not will partially speak to joey’s character and prove if he has really changed. but either way, if him changing doesn’t mean anything to you, it doesn’t have to.

this is more so regarding your boyfriend. personally i find it hard to believe that jason did not see any signs of this behavior as his best friend, he must have seen something but was afraid to speak up or wasn’t exactly sure if what joey did was wrong (it’s astonishing how many male college students really don’t anything about consent and what is and isn’t sexual assault). but best friends tend to give the benefit of the doubt, so he could be convinced joey has changed. so be prepared for that. i don’t necessarily think it’s selfish to ask jason to not be friends with joey, but jason can have the decision to remain friends or whatever capacity and is allowed to pick that option if he does (i personally would see this decision as a testament to his character). from there, you determine if you can be with jason after him deciding to give his friend a chance. leave, stay but with restrictions around joey (definitely no visiting the apartment with you there, limited contact with joey, etc.), ultimately up to you.

/r/relationships Thread