I understand, I really do. And you sound like you’re very conscientious, aware of how you impact other people, and take time to treat others the way you wish to be treated.
Im university faculty, and like the majority of women I work with I have no plans to have children. I study the workplace, and was very serious about more women feeling unfairly burdened at work due to their status as childless. It’s been increasing for two decades. You are not alone.
My area of research isn’t focused in the work-life domain, but I have many friends who are and who explicitly chose that focus because they are childless women. It’s not just semantics—people who work in this area are responsible for transitioning away from “work-family” to “work-life”. It’s important, because it’s pioneering HR practices that are more fluid—ones where policies are written in more inclusive ways.
It’s not just children, either. Unmarried men express similar concerns, particularly in scheduling and overtime work.
At the same time, the very very few female phds I know have kids face insane amounts of discrimination. People look at them as not dedicated. Very “nice” people will complain about how they noticed a faculty member posted pictures from a kindergarten graduation the same day they said they were unavailable to review manuscript edits—and these people don’t want to work with mothers because they find it onerous to have to “cater” to them having children.
One of my closest friends, about 6 years ago, she was interviewing at a new university and lied about her availability so she could Skype in and crop out her belly. She was at 38 weeks. She then pushed out her campus visit interview as many days as she could…she interviewed in person 10 days after giving birth and told no one she had a newborn until after she got the job offer. This is a job she hopes to keep for the rest of her life, but was terrified she’d be rejected for her status as a mother.
What I’m trying to say is that I think policies that support mothers are very important. But assuming all mothers are saints isn’t accurate. There are going to be people who are nasty and still benefit from these policies. But I also feel like policies that help mothers stay engaged in the workplace are critically important, particularly when they otherwise couldn’t work, are important enough that they should be respected even when dealing with an unsavory person.
Please keep track of the break timing. This will give you credence to asking for changes. And if you don’t feel like you’re being respected, and taken advantage of, I hope that you having “data” to back yourself up will help you feel safer in saying this isn’t okay and asking for changes—at the very least, more coverage for you when you’re forced to work during rushes alone. I hope you can get someone else in there to lessen that demand.