You are doing your best. And remember, your reactions (whether right or wrong) come from the desire to express you are sorry, to try and have him understand you fucked up. His actions come from FUCK YOU I SHALL PUNISH YOUR ASS AND BANISH YOU TO THE COUCH.

I once annoyed my husband (when we were very close and had long had overcome those first-year issues) and i pushed him too far. He kept saying leave me alone, and my mind just...froze? I wasn't scared, just felt so damn BAD. I tried following him into the bedroom, he shut the door before I got there and punched nine holes in the door.

The next day he bought a new door and apologized. And I apologized for not backing off the moment he said "back off" and not respecting his need for space, and we laughed at it, and I took care of his knuckles that were banged up.

But what your bf is doing is punishing you. And that shit ain't cool.