Why do my dates challenge me like this?

Girl, I feel you. I've been there. I don't have a doctorate or anything, but I used to be really into the idea of changing people while dating. Hell, I even gave it a name. Called it my "Bro-ducation Program." I'd date these real estate / finance bros and try to Socratic method them into changing some of their horrid beliefs. I really believed that maybe something I said, in my calm, reasoned and non-combative way, combined with their attraction to and respect for me, would flip a switch in their head, and they would go on to be a better human to the next woman they dated. It took me a while to realize my savior complex for what it was. I wasn't changing these men! I was amusing myself with the novelty of dating politically repugnant people, and deluded in thinking I could make the world a better place with my romantic exploits.

After a year of that, I settled into my current dating method. Listen for signs of your date being politically / intellectually incompatible. Don't call them out on being wrong, but gently challenge their position. "That's interesting. Have you thought of it like this?" See if they are open to engaging with another viewpoint, and if they're not, smile, order another drink, emotionally check out and talk about something light you both can agree on. Just because the guys are starting the conversation doesn't mean you have to continue it. There's enough going on in the world that's mentally exhausting. Don't let your dates exhaust you even more!

/r/datingoverthirty Thread