I’m sorry, but you think your daughter is going down a road to failure because she gets embarrassed when you sing her happy birthday (VERY NORMAL). You don’t seem to want to work with her to find enjoyable and fulfilling opportunities for her to grow, you want her to fit into your very narrow ideal. And that very well may not be best for her. I agree with age-appropriate pushing and teaching our kids to do hard things and work and grow, but it sounds like you’re being very rigid in favor of sticking to certain expectations that may not comport with reality.

I don’t mean to pile on, but I don’t think you’re going to find the advice you’re looking for because you’ve decided something is wrong and don’t seem to be open to it not being wrong.