I had a really bad scare but I’m going to get help as of now I don’t feel safe to be in my home alone any longer I tried really hard to stay strong and play the game still even without my husband and brother now but the update today and remembering how excited they were for it and they didn’t even make it to the 10th to see it so it’s harder to play the game in the same way now it’s such a beautiful game but I just start to cry any time I even hear the music playing I’m going into the hospital where I’ll be watched and kept an eye on for awhile and they’ll figure out what to do with me I suppose but least I won’t be sitting there with a gun.. so I’m going to ensure I’m safe for tonight I’ve scared myself multiple times I don’t know what I’m even scared of there’s no one left here so it’s like I’m not doing it because you don’t wanna ever do that to yourself right??? But then I remind myself their all gone now so and then I don’t even want to think about the fact they are gone so it all just goes into circles in my head and I just wish my husband would come up and give me a hug.. I miss his embrace.. I miss him petting my head and messing up my hair and telling me I’m his babe and that everything is okay for the babe.. he used to call me “the babe” so If he made me dinner he said does the babe want some potatoes... yes... what I’d kill to hear him offer me some potatoes.. anyway I’m going to get some proper help I just was tired of hearing the typical it’s going to be okay because every time I heard that it felt otherwise I just needed someone to say hey look I know this is bad this is really bad I understand this is one of the worst things that could happen and that right now it’s not okay but that I’m here for you I have no one left and I guess I just wanted to not feel so alone right now so I’m extremely sorry for scarring everyone I scared myself too believe me and thank you so much to everyone who gave me the proper words I truly needed to hear as it’ll forever resonate with me but I’m going in so I can’t be a damage to myself and impulsively write stupid shit online I do shit like this and get myself in trouble all the time I promise I’m gonna get some help and I’ll have this deleted in a bit just because I feel stupid now for scaring everyone I should of been stronger I have to be stronger I have to atleast try what kind of person am i if I didn’t atleast try right??? And I read a comment about someone losing their wife and kids 24 years ago.. that comment meant the world to me it was that comment that I needed to hear that those words I needed to know there was someone who faced this exact thing and survived no one in my real world has every dealt with something so heynis so in asking all my childhood friends back home all of which said the same things I’m sorry it’s gonna be okay, stuff like that.. I know they mean well but I needed to hear something more then that right now and that one comment along with many others really stood out to me i don’t know who you people are but if I make it out alive I’d live to get to know you in real life please send me a message so I can stay in touch as I need people in my life right now I need good people in my circle again I’m so sorry for my ignorance of scaring you all and to those who said the right things your word means the world to me right now as it’s all I have left to hold onto so truly this is something I will be thinking about constantly this made a real difference in a small sense in my life right now and I will remember what you said forever thank you with all my heart to those who were kind enough to lend me their heart as mine is broken.. very very broken but I hope some of you stay in touch and together we can heal thank you again and so sorry